The Rules of Water Baseball

Playing baseball in 104 degree heat for 5 days simply is not enough. In the few short off hours they play water baseball ( Thank you Dollar General for clearancing out the hard foam bats and hard foam balls). I have been watching this game evolve for years and have decided to jot down some of the rules in case any parent may attempt to understand the game:

1.) Teams may be divided evenly or unevenly depending on who happens to be in charge for the day.

2.) It is possible to switch teams, without reporting to anyone.

3.) The bases can actually move. Sometimes they can move from inning to inning, sometimes from play to play, and sometimes without prior notice.

4.) Foul territory, automatic out territory, and automatic home run territory can, in fact, move. Sometimes moving from inning to inning, sometimes from play to play.

5.) Dunking is not only allowed, but highly encouraged. This has absolutely nothing to do with what team you are on or outs, but for some reason there is a need. It must be included in the game even if parents and or/ hotel staff threaten players with pool removal. It's role in the game is a vital one, even though there is no real purpose.

6.) The batter, at any time, can get/catch the ball - even in mid pitch- and throw out their own teammate by hitting any part of their body. No extra bases or runs are earned, however, hitting the head is highly encouraged.

7.) If, and only if, there are small children in the pool, a flotation device may be used to expedite travel to bases and or opponent; however, such device must be stolen first from said small child.

Flotation devices are also allowed to be used as weapons EVEN if it is against your own teammates. Flotation devices may be used to interrupt runner's ability to gain base, or as a target for random acts of diving.

8.) If "foul" or " automatic out" territory is permanently/temporarily including the area that any player's parent is sitting; and a ball, if hit or thrown, hits the parent anywhere on the body, both teams score bonus points. If ball hits the head, or hits hard enough to get someone in trouble, bonus points are given to each team. The ball is neither foul, nor gets batter out. Play resumes.

9.) One bat or multiple bats may be used at anytime for non batting purposes, especially if a "bat war" breaks out. The outcome of the "bat war" has no bearing on the score of the game.

10.) Water pistols may be used by smaller players if they are unable to engage in the dunking portion of the game, however unspoken law prohibits any smaller player from gaining any advantage by shooting someone with a water pistol. Older siblings may change this rule only if they are feeling nice.
11.) The game is over if and only if all small children, all other hotel guests, and all player's parents have exited the pool area and are clean and dry

12.) At no time may any smaller child make a new rule, or ammend a rule.

13.) The rules are only mere suggestions and may change at any time and with or without notice.